JONAH HEX Movie Review
I am at a loss for words just how bad Johna Hex is. Seriously and that doesn't happen very often. The fact that I bought this movie for $6.99 says something and the fact they should have paid me says something more.
During Grant's presidency, Jonah Hex is a remorseless bounty hunter. In the Civil War he was a rebel whose honor put him afoul of a confederate general, Turnbull, who murdered Jonah's family while Jonah watched. As a result of the ordeal, Jonah's face is disfigured and he can talk with the dead. After staging his own death, Turnbull, with a group of rebel stalwarts, hatches a plan to bring the Union to its knees. Grant wants Hex to stop it. While the nation readies to celebrate Independence Day, Hex and an unlikely ally have little time to stop Turnbull and his weapon of mass destruction.
Basically the whole plot revolves around Turnbull acquiring an "Ultimate Weapon" that he plans to use to destroy the government, during the centennial celebration of the United States, thus regaining the former glory of the South once more. It's never explained how the weapon works. Why they have to fire 5 cannon balls then fire a gold one to activate the other one is beyond anyone's comprehension. I can't imagine what they where thinking.
Starring Josh Brolin as Jonah Hex who did a good job considering the mess that is the plot and you can see he was trying but even his performance can't save this. Megan Fox is well Megan Fox. She can't act her way out of a porno. Seriously could some one tell me why everyone thinks she is so hot because I don't see it. Start apologizing to Michael bay there Megan because your career is going end up like Tara Reid. Also starring John Malcovitch another good actor who you just know half way through is thinking what the fuck am I doing here.
Jonah Hex has this whole supernatural element going on and it doesn't work at all. The original story is simple, Jonah Hex's family is killed and he is left for dead and horribly scared and vows revenge, a classic western tale but the whole supernatural element seems thrown in as an excuse to use horrible CGI. Something that I cannot stand is CGI, yes it has a place but it's lazy pure and simple. Hire an effects crew and do it right. Don't rely on some nerd behind a computer (hmmm can you say irony). The night scenes are horribly lit and seriously puts strain on the eyes (just like the whole fucking movie).
Horrible CGI, A plot that has more holes then a Megan Fox movie, Megan Fox and a ultimate weapon they don't even explain how it works. Leaves Jonah Hex one of the worst comic book movies I have ever seen.......yes worse then Daredevil and I fucking hate Ben Affleck.