MACHETE Movie Review

Well here it is kiddies the long awaited Grindhouse spin off MACHETE which started off as a movie filler "trailer" for the Terantino and Rodriguez project. So if you are not a fan or unfamiliar with either styles of filming then stop reading and don't bother wasting your time going to see the flick. Now on the other hand if you are a fan and have anxiously been awaiting this movie like I was then keep on reading, or wait get off your ass and go watch it.

In the opening sequence we see Machete (Danny Trejo) as a Mexican Federale on his way to raid drug lord Torrez hideout against the orders of his higher ups. Once there we see him take out almost every single one of Torrez men in such an awesomely gruesome fashion. With a turn of events and Torrez now handling the situation at hand you see Machete get stabbed, his wife's head cut off and his daughter presumed dead. Might not sound like too much written down but when you add the blood, decapitations, action, a beautiful young naked woman with a pretty intelligent hiding spot for cellular devices you can't go wrong.

We are then taken to 3 years later when you find Machete in Texas as an illegal immigrant working as a day laborer. He gets hired by a shady business man called Booth (Jeff Fahey) to kill Senator John McLaughlin (Robert DeNiro) who is blatantly an anti-immigration supporter. He's offered $150,000 dollars, takes the job and gives the money to Luz (Michelle Rodriguez) who is the leader of "The Network" which helps Mexicans cross over to the U.S. safely. When Machete goes to shoot the Senator things take a turn for the worse and it ends up being a set up. By this time we have already been introduced to Jessica Alba's character Immigration Officer Santana who is working on bringing down The Network. She remembers seeing Machete previously and is curious to find out more about him after seeing him all over the news as the guy who shot the Senator.

Now for the sake of giving away ALL of the movie I will stop right there. You should already know what you are in for when you watch a Rodriguez film. This exploitation film is ultimate b-movie greatness. It is soooooooo left-wing political and has pointless messages throughout. It is filled with ridiculous action scenes that don't make much sense (but are they suppose to?) for example bunjee jumping with human intestines. It's also got a pretty decent amount of other star actors such Don Johnson, Lindsay Lohan, Cheech Marin and Steven Seagal as drug lord Torrez. The acting in this movie is definitely not that of any star performances but luckily with all of the action sequences it doesn't need to be. Sometimes it's best not to have the disgruntled looking lead character speak, it would just ruin the moment.

The movie ends with the hopes that there will be a sequel with Machete Kills and Machete Kills Again. Wonder if we will find out if his daughter really is alive or if April will seek some kind of revenge. Who knows? All I do know is that this is one bad ass movie, Machete doesn't text and "They just fucked with the wrong Mexican!"