GWAR Interview with Oderus Urungus

XM: For the fans and the record I am interviewing...
Oderus: Oderus Urungus you idiot.

XM: Sorry, my knowledge of deep space intergalactic rockstars is rather limited.
Oderus: Well, you need to smoke more crack. Unfortunately, I’m all out right now. They took all of our crack when we crossed the border. Apparently, your border guards have a real fondness for crack cocaine.

XM: Ya, that’s our border security.
Oderus: Well, you must be on crack if you let GWAR into the country.

XM: That being said, do you enjoy playing in Canada?
Oderus: We love playing in Canada. Everybody knows this is one of GWAR’s major strongholds of slave followers. We’ve played here for many years. The Canadian Government got so sick of us that they actually tried to not let us in for a couple of years. However, the only way they could really stop us was by giving us poor directions. But finally we figured out that if we just went north, as long as we were in North America, we would be in Canada at some point. After being out of the scene for awhile, we’ve been back steady for a couple of years in Canada. Canada is actually one of the best places to play in the entire world. I don’t know if others realize it, but you people support music a hell of a lot more than a lot of other places do, especially America. I mean a lot of cities in America, like Detroit - which is close to Canada - have really amazing metal scenes and they support bands from all over the place. Any band that plays in Detroit is usually guaranteed a decent response. It’s the same thing in Canada. Even if a band fucking sucks, the fans are at least willing to listen to the first few songs and give you an enthusiastic response. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s because it is so fucking cold up here people have to stay inside to have fun. But, in general, Canada is the fucking exemplary fucking heavy metal supporter, and it’s one of my favourite places to play in the whole world. And Toronto is our biggest gig in Canada, so go figure.

XM: Toronto fans kind of have a rivalry with Montreal when it comes to Heavy Metal. Which city do you think breeds the stronger metal heads?
Oderus: Toronto crushes Montreal. Montreal still has still got its head stuck up its own ass a little bit. It’s kind of an unfriendly town. It’s got a kind of xenophobic atmosphere to it. They don’t really like people that aren’t from earth. There is that whole French-Canadian thing going on. We do have a lot of really loyal and amazing fans in Montreal, and we love playing there, but the overall action isn’t anywhere near as strong as it is in Toronto. The shows here are five times bigger. And that’s a big one when GWAR says Toronto is kicking Montreal’s ass. We aren’t talking about some hockey game, we’re talking about heavy metal fucking cool points, and that’s some serious business.

XM: Could you explain what it’s like touring as a band from outer space stuck on the planet Earth? Are there times where you want to kill Beefcake?
Oderus: No, we actually get along pretty well. If we fight, it’s usually out of sheer boredom. We are so beset by super power enemies that we really have to conserve our energy to protect ourselves onstage. I mean, we’re trying to play a metal show onstage. It’s not easy playing this mind melting heavy metal music mastery while Skullix the Intergalactic janitor from hell, who I am told by some of the fans looks like a giant pancake, is trying to fucking eat my balls. Sammie Davis Jr. didn’t have to put up with this shit and I shouldn’t either. We stick with each other. We need the support of our slaves, and the GWAR fraternity supports each other to the end. And yeah, when we do beat on each other it’s just because we have a day off and there is nothing better to destroy.

XM: I was there for the Slayerfest, your 25th anniversary, where we took off into outer space...and ended up crashing back into earth. Are there any new plans to repair the ship?
Oderus: Well, the ship is repaired and operating. We could leave earth anytime we wanted to and we have on some occasions. What we found out, once we went back to outer space, is that space with GWAR’s absence has become incredibly boring. And also, because GWAR had been here on the planet earth creating crack with the help of Sleazy P Martini, the quality of drugs in outer space has just gone way downhill. And another thing is, it seemed like most of the hot chicks were on Earth as well. I know the humans out there are wondering, “Why should Oderus care about things like hot chicks and good drugs and heavy metal?” Why not? Those things are cool. So we decided to keep Earth as our home base. We still use the Scum Ship and spread hatred and chaos around the galaxy, and use Earth as our home base. We are currently in the process of building a new base in Antarctica. That’s actually what’s happening tonight. We are in the process of apartment hunting in Toronto until the new fortress is completed, which could take several million years. But apparently it’s pretty expensive here in Toronto. So we’ll see what we get offered tonight.

XM: You used Osama bin Laden in several of your shows-.
Oderus: Yes I’ve fucked his guts many times.
XM: The story that came out a while ago was that he was killed in Pakistan.
Oderus: Supposedly...
XM: What are your thoughts on that?
Oderus: Well it’s all bullshit. I don’t think Osama was alive ever. If he was, then they can easily create another. I just wonder what America is going to do now. They seem to be killing all the boogie men. Gaddafi’s gone, Saddam is gone, Osama fucking bin Laden, of course. I guess you’ll have to start bumping off your friends pretty soon.

XM: How is Sleazy P doing, and will he be making an appearance today?
Oderus: He doesn’t really tour with us a lot. Sleazy is anal compulsive to the point of just complete idiocy. He runs the world wide porno and drug industry, but he insists on hand counting all of the money. That’s a big job, because a lot of people only pay in ones. We are trying to get crack heads to start paying in nothing less than a twenty, but that’s not working out so well. That’s what he loves though, he loves to count money. He counts money 24/7. He does drugs to stay awake to count more and more money in his solid diamond skyscraper right next to the Trump tower. In fact, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but the Trump tower is actually built inside it. It’s so big you can’t even fucking see it. All sleazy cares about is money. He has us out doing the real work, touring and meeting the fans and rocking the good people’s faces off and fucking the blood red holes.
XM: Sounds like a good job.
Oderus: Somebody’s got to do it.

XM: True. Is there any relation between GWAR, outer space and Lady Gaga?
Oderus: Well, Lady Gaga accompanied us on our last tour. First off, I’d like to say, much like NWK [??] or so many of these label generated rock stars that have no talent - well I suppose they have talent. They can play piano and dry songs. But as far as any real originality, you can just forget about it. So we brought Lady Gaga with us on our last tour to address some of these facts that basically all she is, is a crude assembly of Michael Jackson and Madonna and maybe a little of Annie Lennox thrown in there, but basically has nothing original to offer herself. But we decided to give her a chance to come out and perform with us every night. She failed miserably though. She was murdered every night. Her body was so fragile that she would be obliterated thirty seconds into the song. So we were forced to grow her back in our Syntho-wombs. And you know this is time and money we could have spent smoking crack. But this year we decided to bring a really talented celebrity and one that was a lot fatter so we could kill the creature and it would last more than thirty seconds into the song. So we brought Snookie.
XM: Wow...
Oderus: Ya.
XM: Wow...
Oderus: Oh the people love it. They love the show, they love Snookie and she loves getting gorrilla fucked by the whole band.
XM: Has she played in her home state of New Jersey yet?
Oderus: Indeed she has.
XM: How did that go?
Oderus: Well, as you can imagine, everyone immediately committed seppuku. They were completely blown away by the whole thing. The thing is, with Snookie, you can beat her, stab her, carve her up like a turkey, rape every conceivable hole, and she’s pretty much going to come back for more. She’s very resilient. New Jersey people are tough.
XM: So is that some respect I’m hearing for Snookie by Oderus?
Oderus: Ya I guess so. I would rather have genuine celebrity that has no talent than a fake celebrity that has tons of talent.

XM: Ok...hmm good coffee by the way.
Oderus: Ya it’s not bad, needs more crack in it.
XM: Well, you’re on Sherbourne Street. There’s a lot of crack on Sherbourne Street.
Oderus: Oh are we close to the local strip of hookers and crack?
XM: Yes! Actually if you just walk across the park there is a place called Hooker Harvey’s.
Oderus: Hooker Harvey’s! What is Hooker Harvey’s all about?
XM: Well, any time after midnight, it’s where all the hookers go to congregate.
Oderus: I have got to check that out. I actually wouldn’t mind getting my dick sucked. What’s a blowjob going for in Toronto now a day?
XM: At Hooker Harvey’s? It ranges from about ten to twenty dollars.
Oderus: That works. I don’t need teeth, I’ll probably go for the ten dollar one. How much to give them a blowjob?
XM: How much to give them...a blowjob?
Oderus: Ya man. Can I make some money over there?
XM: Well actually, if you go one block west, there’s Church Street.
Oderus: Right...
XM: That’s where the action is.
Oderus: Good to know. [laughs]
XM: You know, you could probably exchange crack for blowjobs over there and vice versa.
Oderus: I love the barter system.

XM: Yeah, it still works with hookers and crack heads. Here’s a question, when you’re not smoking crack, what are you smoking?
Oderus: Ahh cigarettes. [And] pot! I ahhh like to suck on diesel buses . I was trying to commit suicide but I found it got me really high. So yeah, carbon monoxide I guess.

XM: The greatest battle/show on the planet earth?
Oderus: It would have to undoubtedly be a show we played in Berlin two weeks after the wall came down. It was the first major metal festival in East Berlin, and actually, [after] doing the show, they started rebuilding the wall. I saw that as a personal triumph.

XM: Any bands that you have respect for?
Oderus: Sure! I have a lot of respect for Slayer and Motorhead. I have a lot of respect for bands that stay true to their original idea and stay true to themselves. For instance I have a lot more respect for Slayer than Metallica.
XM: Well that’s an obvious choice.
Oderus: Yeah, that’s an easy one because Metallica is so easy to make fun of. I would rather have a band like Slayer, who stay true to their roots and put out authentic Slayer albums. Sure, they probably aren’t going to write a new Raining Blood, but at least the music - you know you’re listening to a Slayer album and you know its fucking Slayer! Rather than these other bands who feel the need to reinvent themselves with every fucking record. I could sit here and just tear up Metallica forever, but everyone else is just doing it for me. So there is really no point in wasting my time. I have a lot of respect for Lemmy. I’m beginning to think he’s actually a Scum Dog. I don’t see how else he could have survived so long on the road as hopelessly addicted to crystal meth as he is. He’s the healthiest speed freak I have ever met in my life. Every day, he wakes up with a giant line of crank and a huge steak. So it’s that balance of hard drugs and raw red meat that keeps him swinging. Besides that, I don’t really have any respect for anyone else.
XM: Well Ok.
Oderus: I’ll tell you what I hate though. I hate these bands that fucking continue even though all the original members have dies. Like Thin Lizzy is the latest one. I would probably go to a Thin Lizzy show and still have a good time, but after Phil Lynott died... I mean, come on dude, he was Thin Lizzy. He was everything about the band. [It was at this point Oderus jumped up and starting singing ‘The Boys are Back in Town’] I mean, come on! You can’t replace that. Maybe if they just reanimated him somehow - like embalmed him and propped him up with his bass around his neck and played Thin Lizzy records in the background, then I could get into that. It doesn’t come off to me as a tribute to Phil and Dio with all these tribute bands springing up. They put on the image that they are paying homage and tribute, but more often than not it seems like just a shitty way of making money. It really underscores how terribly uncreative people can be. It also shows you the loyalty of the metal fans. They’re willing to support these bands even if it means that the band has nothing to do with the original recipe. Just one more thing about Metallica...I really think they should just be shot.
XM: Wow...really?
Oderus: [Laughs] Yeah, they just got so fucking horrible. It got bad enough when we were watching movies about their therapy. I mean this is fucking Metallica. This was a band that was the inspiration for so many teenagers back in the mid 80’s early 90’s to get into something worthwhile or do something creative and constructive with their lives rather than surrender to a heap of mutated teenage angst. Songs like “Fade to Black” and albums like “Justice” did so much for metal. To see them turn into a bloated travesty of everything I consider completely awful about modern music and modern entertainment is one of the greatest disappointments in metal history.
XM: At least they play instruments, unlike mainstream music today.
Oderus: Well, yeah. Metallica the live band is a completely different entity than Metallica the studio record product. When they play live you can still see the fire of their band and you can still see how fucking awesome they are. It’s when they can get off stage and Lars starts running his fucking mouth and all their publicity agents and handlers can start warping and perverting what Metallica is. That’s when they start to fucking suck. I mean, honestly they are a real easy target to bash on, but they need to be bashed mercilessly because of what they meant to everyone. Their betrayal is that much fucking greater. You can’t tell me they did it for money. I just think they have been misled horribly. And I think that Lars Ulrich thinks he’s a lot smarter then he really is. That happens a lot with these guys in bands. As I always say, a dumbass with a soap box is still a dumbass none the less. Just because someone handed you a microphone and your band is selling millions of albums doesn’t mean you’re Henry fucking Kissinger. So shut the fuck and play the fucking drums. Not everyone is as erudite and intelligent as Oderus.

XM: Is the feud with the band Lordi still happening?
Oderus: I wouldn’t call it a feud. A feud would mean there was some kind of rivalry going back and forth, a give and take in the battle. There has been none of that. They have been outed as a completely lame and trashy act that wears stupid monster costumes that people who work at very expensive movie studios make for them. There music is like Billy Idol on a bad day. They are neither metal or scary or original. They fucking suck in all ways, and I must say I am very happy with the reception they got in America, where basically everywhere they went people chanted GWAR, and I hope that’s the same thing up here in Canada. Although, Canadian metal fans are a lot more supportive of acts, and I can even see them being supportive of Lordo, but I think they know where there muffin is buttered...in the toast shop of GWAR. They suck, but we don’t think of bands like Lordi too much. GWAR has been unchallenged kings of shock rock since we started doing it 27 years ago. No one has ever done what we have done better than us, and that’s probably because no one wants to. [Laughs]

XM: Truer words have not been spoken. GWAR has been on the plant for centuries and have been as a band for close to three decades. What decade do you consider to be the most fruitful, the most disgusting?
Oderus: Oh it’s got to be the last ten years. You know, starting with the 9/11 attacks and the continuing cycle of poverty and war. The war on “terror”, I mean that’s probably the greatest thing ever. An open ended blank check for the arms industry of the world to fight a war where there is no declared enemy, no country that is the enemy, no clear objective as to what the enemy is going to do or where they are going to be. It is the ultimate deception thrust on you people by the military industrial complex, and anyone who still think governments actually control this planet needs to get the shit out of their ears and maybe listen to these occupy Wall Street people. Even though it’s hard to pay attention to people who are barking for the rights of walnut farmers.
XM: That should make the guys at St. James Park feel better.
Oderus: Well, I have a lot of respect for the protest movement. I think it’s still starting to get its focus, but it needs to happen. People keep saying there can’t be a revolution like that in North America. Well yeah, guess what there can and there has to be. As long as the 99% are getting poorer and the 1% is getting richer, the hostility will grow and grow and grow. If the powers that be are smart, they will deal with this right now before things get worse, which they will. I don’t think Canada is in bad shape. Their government is more like the European governments. They are not afraid of the word “Socialism”. They don’t associate Socialism with Communism like they do in America. You can’t fucking raise taxes in America without everyone freaking out. Because the corporations don’t get to have their billion dollar fucking pay bonuses. When you read about guys in B.P, the same guys who trashed the Gulf of Mexico and ruined the lives of thousands of people who made their livelihood from the gulf, and then you read the next year that B.P has record profits, none of their executives were ever found accountable for any of it. People died man, and yeah, I know, it’s strange to hear Oderus bitch about such things, but it’s just a way for me to point out that if there has ever been a reason why you haven’t jumped on the side of GWAR, those days are over. We should align ourselves squarely with the protestors. I understand it’s a non-violent movement, and that’s why GWAR is so important to it; because we can supply the violence.

XM: Last year, you lead an army of dead through the streets of Toronto.
Oderus: It was beautiful.
XM: Killing and trashing and causing chaos to the city. I lost my sister to the zombies. Gooood.

XM: Where were you this year?
Oderus: Well, they try to get a different mascot every year and it just so happened that I was in town that weekend. I think actually they were a little freaked out by the level of bloodlust that I inspired in the zombies. And, you know, it took several days of zombie rioting for the city to put a stop to it. So I think they were trying to keep it a little more under control this year. Generally speaking, Oderus at the head of a 6000 zombie army...yeah...that could be a bit of a dangerous thing.

XM: Maybe you can give a psychological break down of society as to why zombies are such a fad and why we are so fascinated by them.
Oderus: Well man, I don’t know. They have been around forever as long as I can remember. I guess it represents kind of a second chance in life. You don’t have to worry about how you look, how you dress, whether or not your friends are going to back you. You have a whole horde of zombies all agreed on one thing: we need to eat brains. It’s kind of a simpler take on life. You’ve got your bodies and you’re hungry as hell, and really the only thing that’s going to stop you is your own body rotting off. And I think, considering what a miserable lot in life that humans have, I mean this modern day rat race, I think the zombie lifestyle is - to many - very preferable.

XM: For all the refugee aliens in the country and across the globe who are trying to start up their own heavy metal bands, what advice can you give to them starting out?
Oderus: Well, work hard and you shall do well. It’s not about chicks, It’s not about the money. All of those things will come later. The first thing you want to do is practice your ass off and make sure that a) you have a good drummer and b) a good front man. Never let your front man be the drummer, that’s a terrible idea. And also don’t be afraid to break up. If you’re serious about being in a band that makes a living and have your life based around, and if you’re in a band and you’ve been playing for 5 years and you’re having trouble getting 25 people to show up to your own show in your home town, chances are you need to start a new one.

XM: Ok well that’s all the questions I have thank you great and powerful Oderus.
Oderus: You’re welcome, slave. Now show me this Hooker Harvey’s.

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